Joy First: How to Find Your Purpose After Burnout
My conversation with Shanti Joy Gold on the Stories We Haven't Shared podcast
So I chased purpose for years. I built a career that looked like a dream.
And I burned out anyway.
I shared the whole story with fellow coach Shanti Joy Gold on her podcast, Stories We Haven't Shared. It's about growing up between two cultures, working twice as hard to belong, and what finally helped me find my purpose.
If you've built something impressive and still feel like something is off, this one's for you.
The real-life campus
Before my corporate career, I spent over a decade waitressing and bartending.
My family didn't quite get it. I had a master's degree and I was waiting tables.
But those years taught me what college didn't. How to sell. How to handle hard moments on my feet. How to work hard and see life through other people's eyes.
When I interviewed for my first sales job, they said I had no sales experience. I told them, respectfully, that I had plenty.
I got hired.
Growing up between two worlds
I came to the US from Korea in 1977. I was four years old, and I didn't speak English.
My family put me straight into school. Kids teased me. I'd come home crying.
Two small acts of care stuck with me. A teacher, who happened to be named Miss Sandy, made sure I could still follow along. And my grandfather would take me to the playground after school, just to let me play the stress out of my body.
That's the difference one person can make.
My mom had her own hard moments. On the bus to work one day, people started asking about a strange smell. She realized it was her lunch, pickled radishes we'd eaten all our lives. She got off at the next stop, threw her lunch away, and walked the rest of the way.
Some lessons in a new country come easy. Some come hard.
Trying not to be Asian
By age six, I was translating rental agreements and phone calls for the adults in my family.
I still don't love answering the phone. Now I understand why.
Looking back, I spent most of my life trying not to be Asian. The language, the food, how I dressed, how I wore my hair. None of it was intentional. I was trying to belong and feel safe.
So I lived two lives. A very Western California life at school. Another life at home. I kept them separate.
I got so good at code switching that I didn't know who I was anymore. Even today, I catch myself speaking broken English with my mom to match her rhythm. And then I question myself about it.
That constant inner check takes you out of the present moment. And anything that takes you out of the present moment is a drain.
Keep your head down and work harder
The message I grew up with was clear. You're starting behind, so work harder. Don't complain.
I started my corporate career at an entry-level job at 33. I was a woman, about 10 years older than everyone else at my level, and one of very few faces that looked like mine.
So I tripled down on effort. Eighteen-hour days. Everything had to be flawless.
And it worked. I got promoted. I moved to London. My mom proudly told all her friends.
I thought I had finally figured it out.
Living a lie
On the surface, everything was great. Underneath, I was slowly burning out.
I kept making real changes in my role and kept getting passed over for promotion. I reported to managers who said I didn't need their help, then asked me to bring them up to speed.
I left for a managing director role at a startup. Double the pay. I thought, now I'll be happy.
It became the hardest job of my life. In one board meeting, an owner talked over me so noticeably that other board members asked him to let me speak.
I never got an apology.
Walking away that day, I realized I had a choice.
The moment I chose differently
One voice said what I'd always been taught. Keep your head down. You've done it before. You'll be fine.
Another voice, from somewhere deeper, said something new. You don't have to put up with this anymore. My body had already decided. Back pain. Terrible sleep. Stress so high that nothing I tried was working.
The wisdom I grew up with wasn't serving me anymore. I needed to rewrite my story.
So I traded my dream job for my dream life.
Your wisdom isn't only in your head
Here's what I teach my clients now.
Your thoughts are often the least helpful guide you have. "Trust your gut" and "listen to your heart" have lasted for generations for a reason.
Give yourself space for silence. Notice what your body is telling you. Reconnect with the parts of you that aren't in survival mode. For about 45 years, I lived mostly on autopilot. Reacting to shoulds. Managing circumstances instead of designing my life.
You have the power to rewrite your story. So do I.
Flip the formula: joy first, then you find your purpose
This is the big lie I grew up believing. Live your purpose, and you'll find joy.
I had it backwards. We all do.
Being in joy is your purpose.
And joy isn't something that just happens to you. You can activate it. That's the real superpower: getting back to joy when you're not feeling joyful, so you can think clearly and lead well.
I don't mean leader by title. If you have an impact on others, as a founder, parent, teacher or change agent, how you show up spreads to everyone around you.
I had it backwards in my business, too
When I started Joyful Optimist Coaching five years ago, the name felt so right.
Then I didn't talk about joy or optimism at all. I coached entrepreneurs to make more money and grow their businesses, because I thought that's what I was supposed to do.
It never quite felt right.
When I finally started talking about joy and mental fitness, everything changed. The right opportunities kept coming. Much of that work comes from Positive Intelligence®, the mental fitness framework created by Shirzad Chamine. It's also how Shanti and I met.
Do the right things for the right reasons, and the rest follows.
Weaving it back together
Today, I'm in love with my heritage. I'm half Japanese, half Korean, and I embrace both.
I'm relearning Korean. I cook Korean food almost every other day. My husband, who isn't Asian, might love it even more than I do.
I don't have to code switch anymore. That makes life so much lighter.
It's also why I host Spilling Our Tea podcast, where Asian leaders share the stories that shaped them.
There is always something to celebrate
Shanti asked me for one song to preserve for future generations. I picked "Celebration" by Kool & The Gang.
We don't have to wait for big milestones to feel joy. Celebrate your breath. Celebrate where you are. Even the low points. I now know my hardest moments are when I grow the most.
That boardroom moment felt like failure. It was really the start of everything.
So if you're still chasing the thing that will finally make you happy, try going the other way. Start with joy. That's how you find your purpose.
Listen to the full conversation
A big thank you to Shanti Joy Gold, professional coach and host of Stories We Haven't Shared, for creating such a warm space to share my story.
Ready to stop running on empty?
If you're a founder who looks successful on the outside and feels exhausted on the inside, you don't have to keep pushing through.
Let's talk about what's really draining you.
What's one small thing you could celebrate today?
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